4 Months♥

Jesse and I have officially been together 4 months as of today. There's also 17 days left until he's home. What do these 2 numbers add up to? A LOT OF MISSING HIM

Blood Drunk is in Fredericton right now. 4 hours ahead. And they're headed to St.John's today.

Turns out, this only gets easier during the daytime. Once the sun goes down, it feels like the same empty bullshit that I've been dealing with for the past 12 days. Ugh. Almost 2 weeks. Now that it's under a month, when people hear how long is left before he's back, I get this "give me a break" expression. Apparently most people don't mind being separated from their boyfriends and husbands. That's fucking sad in my eyes. I guess we should get used to being the exception. But the great thing is, we both just have the idea that this is how it SHOULD be.

We don't try. We just ARE.
I've had friends talk to me about how relationships are sooooo much work and take so much time and effort and it's really just not worth it sometimes. It's hard, they say. When I'm involuntarily part of these conversations, I feel like an impostor. I try to contribute and sympathize with these girls, but I can't fake it. Our relationship has always happened naturally and we effortlessly maintain a healthy balance. We respect each other, we understand and support each other, we have fun. If you love someone, you make it work. When someone is the most important person in your life, you should WANT to make time for them and take care of them. But I guess not everyone feels that way.
And who am I to judge that?

I AM, however, extremely grateful♥

Waiting For Halfway

By sunrise, 18 days and counting down until Jesse gets back. I absolutely CANNOT wait. And yet I have to. So I try to occupy my time as best I can, keep busy, and avoid empty slots of time which tend to lead me towards an indescribably deep sadness.

Thank goddess we talk ALL the time. Being the incredibly sweet perfect boyfriend he is, he clears a lot of time to fill me in and make sure I know he's missing me too. Love him =)

And Then The Rain Came...

And it seems to have washed away my ability to smile.
Because time is kicking my ass right now, and I just want it to hurry up and pass already.

Blood Drunk is touring Canada right now. I knew this. We knew this. This was planned many months ago, well before Jesse and I started dating. And yet, I could not have been prepared. Luckily, I got to go to Edmonton yesterday for a show and see him for a few hours. But oh my goddess was it ever hard =(
I miss him so much that I can't even find the words to describe how it feels.

I would rather give up on breathing because I would miss the air much less. It feels as if I am simultaneously completely empty inside, and also overflowing with sadness. I can't help but think about it. It's happening every second of every day. He's away and it kills. But I have no choice but to carry on normally until he returns. So I'll distract myself and hope that I can pull it together and find ordinary things to give me a small measure of happiness.

Writing helps (so does drinking). And hopefully shopping because that's what I'm doing tomorrow. And looking for jobs. Yes, plural. JOBS. I'm ACTUALLY going to take up running (again). If you knew me personally, you would know that prospect is ridiculous.
But at this point, I would do pretty much anything to avoid thinking about tour.

Nights are the worst. I miss the warmth that he gives off and his arms around me, and the way I can feel his heart beating against my back and his breath on my neck. Waking up to see him every morning. And feeling safe. Because without Jesse, nothing feels right.

The good news?
27 days until he gets back.
And then he's all mine again♥