Because time is kicking my ass right now, and I just want it to hurry up and pass already.
Blood Drunk is touring Canada right now. I knew this. We knew this. This was planned many months ago, well before Jesse and I started dating. And yet, I could not have been prepared. Luckily, I got to go to Edmonton yesterday for a show and see him for a few hours. But oh my goddess was it ever hard =(
I miss him so much that I can't even find the words to describe how it feels.
I would rather give up on breathing because I would miss the air much less. It feels as if I am simultaneously completely empty inside, and also overflowing with sadness. I can't help but think about it. It's happening every second of every day. He's away and it kills. But I have no choice but to carry on normally until he returns. So I'll distract myself and hope that I can pull it together and find ordinary things to give me a small measure of happiness.
Writing helps (so does drinking). And hopefully shopping because that's what I'm doing tomorrow. And looking for jobs. Yes, plural. JOBS. I'm ACTUALLY going to take up running (again). If you knew me personally, you would know that prospect is ridiculous.
But at this point, I would do pretty much anything to avoid thinking about tour.
Nights are the worst. I miss the warmth that he gives off and his arms around me, and the way I can feel his heart beating against my back and his breath on my neck. Waking up to see him every morning. And feeling safe. Because without Jesse, nothing feels right.
The good news?
27 days until he gets back.
And then he's all mine again♥
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